Your Suffering is not Punishment
God is not angry with you. Job's pain was not the pain of a whip but the pain of the surgeon's scalpel. Removing the toxins of pride and fear is the most loving thing God could do. Transformation requires discomfort.
Romans 12:2
"And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and PerfectWill of God"